Desiring Healing Doesn't Equal Rejection

Baby Harry

I know it hits some people in a weird place when I talk about Harrison being healed.

I know that. I can almost hear the things they think but don't say.

• “He’s perfect the way he is, just accept him the way he was born.”

• “God doesn’t make mistakes.”

• “You’re rejecting him by wanting him to be different.”

• "Stop trying to change who he is."
  

So I want to address those thoughts.

First, Harrison isn’t perfect the way he is, he’s loved the way he is. We are on the fence as to whether or not we believe he was born with autism/other disabilities or whether they are a product of genetics and environmental factors. We are leaning more toward environmental factors, meaning something happened to Harrison after he was born that brought autism into our life. There’s only a 10% chance that something will be flagged in genetics testing, so the other 90% is idiopathic. (They don't know the cause.) We've had the genetic testing, nothing popped positive on that test. (insert deep breath here) I know every kid with autism is different. They are working with different genetics, different socioeconomic backgrounds, environments, all of it. They are all different. So what causes autism in one isn’t necessarily what causes it in another and making a blanket statement that “it’s all genetic” is dangerous. It gives a sense of hopelessness to parents that nothing can be done to help their kid. The conventional medicine (allopathic) we have access to today in America barely scrapes the surface in helping these kids. (One day I’ll share all that I’ve learned on that, it’s a LOT.) They send referrals to speech therapists and occupational therapists. They test for lead poisoning, which is standard for all children. If you have a good pediatrician, they may refer you for genetics testing. (Again, 10% chance of learning anything helpful there.) They treat symptoms, not the root cause. If you want to learn the biomechanics concerning your ASD kid, you’ve got to do some digging, find a functional medicine doctor, pay cash because insurance won’t cover any of that, and then start slinging spaghetti at the wall to see what you can figure out. There’s a LOT that can be done to increase the quality of life for these kids and chalking it all up to genetics downplays what we as parents can do to help them. End rant. (for now)

Second, I agree. God doesn’t make mistakes. God formed us in His image. Genesis 1:26 tells me this. “Let Us (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) make man in our image, according to Our likeness…”. We are made according to the specifications of God, and there is no autism/delay/apraxia/diabetes/cancer/cerebral palsy/you-name-it in God. There is no dysfunction in God. He is perfect. And we were made in His image. Jeremiah 1:5 tells us, “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” There’s a lot to unpack there. But the main point I want to emphasize is that God personally knew each and every one of us before we were in our mother’s belly, and He made us in His image. These are facts. This is the truth. I'll add here that truth is truth whether we believe it at any given moment or not. Disbelief doesn't change truth, just our perception. These truths set the stage for the question, “Then how are children born with disabilities and disfigurements? How are they miscarried? How does this happen?”  I can answer that with this verse. “The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)  We’ve been hunted since we were in the Garden of Eden. The adversary didn’t have a problem approaching Eve who walked in the cool of the day with God, why would we think he’d think twice about trying to steal, kill, or destroy an innocent child? Jesus loves children. “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14) It would be naïve for us to believe that Satan wouldn’t have a whole agenda against the little ones since they are so near and dear to the heart of Jesus.

I’d like to take a moment to express that these things I’m sharing have all been shown to me by God in the past few years. Prior to that I’d walked away from the Lord and it wasn’t until I saw that my child struggled with something the doctor’s couldn’t help me with that the Lord sought me out to start showing me these things. (More to come on that in another post.) I’ve dug and studied, cried out, cried, begged, pleaded, demanded, and begged some more for God to help me understand how to help my child. I did all of that AFTER He spoke to me BEFORE I came back to Him that He is going to heal my child. That’s right! In the middle of my mess, He told me “I’m going to heal him and show people I still do miracles.” That’s another reason why I don’t feel bad about wanting healing for Harrison. God said it’s done and that I’m going to see it. Why should I be shy about speaking that?

Lastly, about rejection. I don’t reject my child because he’s autistic. In fact, I’ve thanked God a handful of times for the autism. Autism has changed me. I’m not the same mom I would’ve been without it. My husband isn't the same father he would've been. I have so much more patience now as well as it has necessitated that I be face to face with my Father in heaven because I can’t do this without Him. Having a kid on the spectrum isn’t easy. I know there are varying degrees, but we are a level 3 and it’s TOUGH. Our marriage has been hit hard. Our finances get hit. Our community has changed. We can’t go and do the same things that others do with a neurotypical 5 yr old. We avoid most social situations and arrangements have to be made for us to participate in most family functions. It’s taken some adjustment for sure. But, I’ve learned so much from it and others have too. There’s more learning to come and I welcome it. Autism is so much more than thinking differently and being quirky. It’s gut dysbiosis and systemic inflammation. It’s sleep disturbance. (Lord, have mercy...the sleepless nights!) It’s sensory processing disorders that might seem trivial to others but to the person suffering with them, they can be debilitating and life-changing. It’s having such an aversion to certain textures that the child only eats 5 foods. It’s not being able to talk or having limited means of communicating. It’s having behaviors that have to be addressed which are a product of the inability to process stimuli or communicate. Why would a parent not want for those things to be healed? It's OK to want childhood cancer to be healed, but we must accept the autism diagnosis and all that entails? That's just silly. If it's life-threatening, sure...let's medically intervene and pray for healing. But if it's not terminal, let's settle for suffering gracefully? No, thank you! We were made in His image to thrive, not survive. Period.

I’ve already said a mouthful, but I’ll wrap up with this. It is not my belief that children with disabilities were created that way in heaven. I believe they were placed in their mother’s belly and at some point between conception and diagnosis, the enemy came to wreak havoc in that child’s life…to thwart their destiny that God designed for them. I back this up with Ephesians 2:10. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”

So where do we go from here? How do we right the wrong? Great question, I’m still working on that answer. But here’s what I’ve learned. We can't... but God can! He is capable and able. "Our God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20)

I need Him. We need Him. And not because of what we can get from Him, but because He is where we came from. He is our source of everything that is good in this world! We need connection back to our point of origin and that is Jesus. “For by him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.” (Colossians 1:16) Like a child needs their momma and daddy, we need Jesus. He’s where we came from. Without Him, a piece of us is missing and we can’t function as we were designed to without all of our pieces in place. He’s the piece (peace) we need.

So, no... me wanting to see my child healed of being non-verbal, autistic, PANDAS, apraxia, and delay doesn’t mean I reject any part of him. I reject the lies the enemy wants me to agree with for my child. I reject the plans Satan has for my child. I accept and fully love my child, yesterday, today and tomorrow, healed or not healed. But I know what God has said and I’m going to enforce it as my God-given right as a daughter of the Most High King and as Harrison Stough’s mother. He is healed. And the world will see it. They will see that God is faithful and kind and loving and has infinite mercy, that while I was still wrapped up in my own mess, He spoke to my heart and called me back from hell. He prophesied over my child that he is healed. It’s His grace and mercy and love that keep me coming back for more and that’s what I want the world to see when they hear our story. God is good, Jesus is the way, and hope is alive and well in 2024. Seek His face! It's all He's ever wanted, to walk in the garden with us again!

"28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters." (Romans 8:28-29)