Processing the Data, the Deficits, and the Diagnoses

It’s been a few weeks since we got Harrison’s psychological testing back from the doctor. We’ve had to process the information. There has been some grieving along the way if I’m being honest. We’ve had to give ourselves some pep talks, Stacy and me. God has had to give me a few pep talks as well. He’s so gracious to remind me daily that Harrison is His child first and that He’s faithful to do what He said He’s going to do. For that, I’m so thankful.

Harrison gained a few new diagnoses last month. The main one being GLOBAL DEVELOPMENTAL DELAY. GDD is usually diagnosed before 5 and after 5 the dx is usually “intellectual disability”. Our psychologist said she did not give Harrison the diagnosis of intellectual disability because this is the first set of data that’s been accurately recorded for him. We need trend lines and multiple data sets to determine what his long-term diagnosis could be. (I hesitate to even write that sentence when I know what God says about it all, but it's what she said.) Harrison demonstrated the ability to learn, encode, and perform new tasks during testing which is encouraging. “We will know more in a few years when we have data that can be plotted to show the rate of progress he’s making.” He also received levels 2 and 3 autism diagnosis which will help afford him supports in school. I was unaware that you could be a mix of levels 1,2, and 3 so I learned something new. There are also language and sound disorder diagnoses listed. The part that really hurts is that he's testing cognitively as a 2 year old. He's 3 years behind his same age peers. His gross motor skills are testing a little above a 3 year old. Like I said, it’s taken us a few weeks to process all of this. To receive a 20 page report about your child’s deficits sucks. This sucks. There, I said it.

BUT. GOD. He warned me about this beforehand so I wouldn’t be blindsided. Last year He told me, “It’s going to LOOK worse before it gets better.” I thought I was being dramatic and just in my head when I got that mental memo from above. But, it’s come in handy as a reminder more times than I can count. Every time we’re faced with something new or something seeming to regress, He whispers, “I told you about this. Don’t focus on what it looks like, focus on what I’ve told you.” He’s told me it’s going to get better and God is not a man that He should lie, so I choose to believe Him.

“God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent; Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?" Numbers 23:19

He's told me over and over, "I've got this. He's going to be healed. Trust Me."

I've prayed and prayed, begged, bargained, covenanted with Him over this. If He would just help my son, heal him, help us to help him...all if it. As I write these words, Matthew 7:11 comes to mind, and I know that's Him speaking to me, telling me to continue to trust Him.

"So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." Matthew 7:11

Just to be perfectly clear, I do not accept any diagnosis about my child as being permanent. It's a medical label needed to afford him services in the interim while we focus on healing Harrison systemically with biomedical protocols and trust God for the rest of it. People can think I'm being naive or in denial or just plain stubborn. I do not care. I have faith, and FAITH looks eye to eye with a lie from hell and tells it where it can go. That's the stuff I'm made out of. That's who I am at my core. That's who my kid was created to be even if he doesn't know it yet. So we will keep on keepin' on, even when the road gets rough and things look bad. THAT'S WHERE THE MIRACLES HAPPEN. How lucky we are that we get to live this miracle life?!

That leaves me with one last thing to say for now: I know there's a reason for all of this, there has to be. As ugly as it is, it's beautiful at the same time. What this has brought out of me hasn't gone unnoticed. What I see happening around me, it's all God using my boy to facilitate change. Harrison doesn't know any different right now, but one day he will know the story of how God used him to soften hearts, teach compassion, and break chains as an innocent child. I long for the day when I can hear what it was like from Harrison's perspective and learn more about this special needs life so we can continue to help others keep the faith and trust God all the more. You heard it here. God is in this story. He is faithful. He is merciful. He LOVES HIS KIDS SO MUCH! And, He's not done with the Stough family just yet. We're only getting started!