My Crown Needed Adjustment...

I wrote this last Friday but didn't publish it. I don't know exactly who I'm writing to or why I'm writing any of this at all to be quite honest except for this: God told me I need timestamps. A few months ago I was listening to an video sent to me by a lady at church that loves my kid, Ms. Tina. In the video, one of the speakers talks about her blog she started out writing that only her mom read. I kinda laughed and went on about my business. But the idea of the blog wouldn't leave me. I felt certain God was leading me to start writing these, though I wasn't sure why. It feels silly though therapeutic for sure! Then God told me, "You're going to need timestamps for what I'm going to do with your son." He showed me moms in the future coming to these posts and pouring over them, looking for hope and solidarity. So here I am, on the good days and the bad days...I write. Sometimes it's for me, but always with those moms in the future in mind. I'm always conscious to speak to them from my present places knowing they will read it in the future, likely from the same place I'm in right now. At least that's what I feel that God has shown me. So here goes...

I'm having a moment. I don't know why, but I woke up frustrated with all that is autism and delay and apraxia and ADHD. Like...I'M OVER IT ALREADY. Most days I'm not like this, but today...today it feels like we're surrounded on all sides by concrete walls, trapped. I can see the stones that make up the walls in my mind, they are thick and heavy. I can't tear this fortress down by myself.

As I type this, the Holy Spirit is whispering to me, "Are you trapped or are you hidden in the cleft of the rock?" (referencing Exodus 33:22)

Hmm, good question. It sure FEELS like we're trapped. It LOOKS like every day is the same. It SEEMS as if all of this is never going to end. As I write, I'm being unraveled. What exactly is going on here? To be honest, I have to come to accept the fact that I may never know this side of heaven exactly what I've been living in the middle of this whole time. I know there's a spirit realm that surrounds us. I know we are spirit beings living in a human body. I know that things happen in the spirit realm first and then we see them manifested in the natural realm. But what do I also know about all of this? I know I can speak and things have to shift. I know my words carry weight in the spirit realm and I know I can speak into the spirit and then see things happen in the natural realm. I know these things. I've seen it happen with my own eyes too many times to ever doubt those statements as being truth. MY WORDS CARRY WEIGHT IN THE SPIRIT.

This is where I can feel the Spirit of God stirring something up inside of me, something contrary to what I've been feeling all morning. Out of my mouth I hear the following:

"I am a daughter of the Most High King. I am seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus, specifically at the right hand of the Father. I know WHO I am and I know WHOSE I am. I am a royal priest in the order of Melchizedek. Every assignment against my family that has been designed in the enemy's camp, I say will NOT come to fruition. I decree confusion in the enemy's camp, thwarting every plan they have for me and mine. I have a shield of faith that is larger than me and it covers my whole body, hiding me. I'm covered from my head to my feet in salvation, and the righteousness of Jesus not only armors my chest but it's wrapped around me as a robe. I have been given a new name, Hephzibah...'The Lord Delights in Me'. His Truth girds me up and I walk in the peace of the Good News. Every fiery dart of the enemy sent to me, I send back dipped in the Blood of Jesus and ALL OF MY ARROWS connect with their intended targets. I AM THE VICTOR! I HAVE THE VICTORY! THE BATTLE IS ALREADY WON, so I'll stand and let the Lord have His way with my enemy. I'm His daughter and He fights my battles. PRAISE YOU, FATHER! PRAISE YOU! You go before me! You never leave me. IT. IS. FINISHED."

And just like that, my crown has been adjusted. This is how I fight my battles.

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, and against the worldly governors, the princes of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness, which are in the high places." Ephesians 6:12 Geneva Bible

Now I can go about my day focused on what I'm supposed to be focused on, not distracted by my feelings or intrusive thoughts. I'm the victor. Period.

(I wrote this last Friday. Today is Monday. I can say that after I made this declaration I felt a shift in the atmosphere around me. I was able to move on mentally in my day, not hyper-focused on what all we have going on. This is how I've learned to shut the enemy down. He can't have me so he wants to convince me that I'm never going to win, reinforcing a victim mentality over me. But truth be told, he's a liar. I've already won because Jesus has done it for me. I just have to stand and enforce the victory in my realm of influence for those around me by knowing who I am and allowing the Lord to wave His banner of VICTORY over me. Life is just better with this perspective.)